Alternatives to Fear - Reducing the Risk of Rape

The solution to ending rape does NOT lie in girls and women taking more precautions. It lies in challenging and changing attitudes and institutions (media, family, school, sports, the state etc.) that encourage aggressive, dominant masculinity as the norm with the corresponding objectification/subordination of females.

However, we are not powerless! The following tips are not a guarantee, but they can help reduce the odds. Despite all this, if a person is ever raped, the responsibility ALWAYS lies with the aggressor, not the victim. Forgetting to lock a door is not a crime. Trusting a friend is not a crime. Partying is not a crime. Walking alone is not a crime. RAPE IS THE CRIME.

IN GENERAL

• Know the real picture. Most rapes (85%) are committed by non-strangers and in familiar, social situations.
• Men who rape usually try to gain trust to test your boundaries.
• If they judge you to be passive and easily dominated, they move in.
• Trust your very first feeling of uneasiness.
• Don't dismiss that feeling.
• Act on it by firmly saying "no", "leave me alone" or leave if necessary.
• Don't worry about hurting feelings or appearing rude.
• Use a strong, serious voice. Don't plead or play cute.
• Don't apologize.
• Look for others to assist if you need to.
• If the aggressor is an intimate partner, tell them in a serious tone that you are not comfortable and want them to stop. Now.
• Try not to smile or laugh out of nervousness.
• Believe in your right to your own body.

AT PARTIES

• Be aware that men who rape often use alcohol to exploit your vulnerability. They tend to try to make you drink more than you intended.
• Keep in control of your drinking.
• Don't leave a drink unattended, or accept a drink that someone else has given you. Most times this is harmless, but you are trying to avoid the one time it isn't.
• Think ahead. Have a safe way to get home already planned.
• If in a group, plan ahead to watch out for one another.
• If a friend looks as though she or he is losing control, step in and take care of them.
• If a friend is harassing women, make it your concern.
• Remember you cannot tell the good guys from the bad guys by appearance or good looks.
• Watch out for someone who is pressuring you; who keeps giving you drinks; who wants to get you alone; who guilt trips you if you are reluctant.
• Don't use sex to keep someone's attraction or respond to guilt-trips.

IN THE WOODS

• Statistically the woods are safer than either your home or the street.
• However, men have raped women in the woods, although infrequently.
• Stay aware of your surroundings.
• Avoid any headset that prevents you from being focussed and aware.
• If someone's behavior makes you nervous, listen to your instinct and leave.
• Consider running, hiking in a group.
• Take self-defense to increase your options and skills.
• Report any suspicious person(s) to the police.

AT HOME

• Most rapes are from non-strangers. However stranger rape is still a reality.
• Keep outside doors locked. Don't be afraid to be assertive and ask strangers to wait outside.
• Make sure all doors have good deadbolt locks. Landlords are required to supply them.
• Be sure all windows have locks. For sliding doors or windows, place a wooden or metal rod between the moveable pane and the opposite casing.
• Get to know your neighbors so you can get help if necessary and are familiar with who is coming and going in the neighborhood.

ON THE STREET

• Be alert. Be aware of who else is on the street. Make it difficult for anyone to surprise you.
• Walk assertively.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help if someone is making you feel threatened.

Readings on Self-Defense

Her Wits About Her
Denise Caignon & Gail Groves

The Gift of Fear
Gavin De Becker