Tip of the Month
On asking "why?".
A "why" question often feels challenging or interrogating, yet asking "why" is often the best way to understand a person's needs or interests. Author Sharon Ellison (Taking the War out of Our Words) suggests these two practices to craft more skillful questions:
- Follow the "why" with a verb that is not contracted. Compare "Why didn't you do that?" with "Why did you choose or decide not to do that?"
- Consider asking "what" instead of "why." Compare "Why do you think I wouldn't show up for dinner?" with "What made you think I would not show up for dinner?"
Another strategy is to preface the "why" with "Help me understand," or "Would you be willing to help me understand ..." Compare "Why did you leave the dog at Susan's house?" with "Help me understand why you left the dog at Susan's house."